Moms, stop fighting with your teen daughters about clothes! In fact, can we all just leave them alone to figure things out for themselves?
The latest from the “Oh no, moms let their daughters dress like skanks!” front is summed up in a Jezebel post by Katie J.M. Baker. Blogger and mom of four boys Vivienne Wagner wrote a post on Generation Fabulous (since been taken down) in which she put up headless shots of girls at her son’s 8th grade Academic Awards Ceremony.
The blogger was downright distressed at the sight of 14-year-olds in above-the-knee dresses, off-the-shoulder tops, and heels. She said they looked as if they were dressed for clubbing (proving that she has not been inside an actual club for many years, right?). She also said she was glad she didn’t have daughters of her own. Because—what—she might have teach her sons to treat all girls with respect, not just the ones dressed like missionaries?
Baker writes, “This is pretty basic stuff: teaching teenagers that girls shouldn't wear certain clothes if they don't want to distract or tempt boys is just like telling women to avoid dressing like sluts if they want to be raped.”
I agree, absolutely.
But also, when did everybody get so old? Mini skirts have been around for 40 years, for crying out loud. Bikinis, spandex, plunging necklines and teetering heels are all old hat, really. How can some mothers so far removed from their own adolescence that they can’t remember wanting to wear the latest looks?
Fourteen is young, but it’s not that young. I remember buying my first pair of wedge heels at that age, sneaking off to the mall with a friend, of course, because my mother would never. And really, if you can’t wear short skirts when you’re a teenager, when can you wear them?
I know how prudish parenting arguments go. “Teens need to learn that you can’t always wear whatever you want in life,” people say. As if that’s something you need to practice. Why not making them walk around in power suits or scrubs all day?
The uptight mom blogger insisted that, “Some skirts are so short, the girls end up flashing the entire assembly.” Gee, we all have wardrobe mishaps. Laying on the public shame might be a much.
Then there’s that classic parenting fall-back: “I know better than you!” Taking that tack will guarantee a teen’s door slammed in your face. Check your own outfit, Mom. Your khaki crop pants and floral blouse say otherwise.
I guarantee I’ll be the mom that everybody’s shaking their head about when my daughters turn up places dressed however they want. If they insist on wearing a sexy dress or (god willing) going all punked out for some special occasion, then so be it.
Because, moms, this battle over wardrobe just isn’t worth it. Fighting about or putting your foot down over an article of clothing will only serve to drive a wedge (or wedge heel) between you and your child. It will eat up time that would be better spent encouraging independence of thought, building confidence and giving your daughter your trust. You want your daughter’s wardrobe choices (no matter how cringe-worthy) to be just that. Choices.
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